Haribo Goldbears

Let’s be honest – this was never a matter of if, but a matter of when.

Haribo is effectively the Nintendo of gummy candy, and this is their Mario. I mean, they are LITERALLY the first gummy bears ever made, so it’s impressive that over a century later they’re still widely available. Kind of like how Mario was originally named Jumpman, Goldbears were originally named Dancing Bears. While Mario’s name change came only four years after his debut, it took 40 years for the dancing bears to become precious metals. This rebrand coincided with a bit of a visual makeover, and there’s surprisingly limited documentation of the original design online. Best I could find is this Facebook post with a bit of a German soyjak thing going on. Sorry.

Aside from the height reduction and slight recipe adjustments over the years, like substituting gum arabic for gelatin (hence the “gum” in gummy bear), Goldbears really haven’t changed much at all. It ought to be respected for that timelessness, and I really should have started this series here.

Each bear has just over a gram of sugar (~14g per 13 pieces to be precise) which is unremarkable if not a little much considering how small they are. There are, of course, five flavors: red, green, orange, yellow, and clear.

Officially, these are raspberry, strawberry, orange, lemon, and pineapple respectively. I have been scowering the web looking for some legitimate popularity poll of these flavors because I feel like every person I’ve asked shares a different opinion. Haribo should probably host one themselves because I’d really like to know.

The order above was what I thought my personal ranking would be. Going through them individually:

• Red has a really nice tartness to it that, in combination with the sweet berry flavor, makes it stand out the most to me.
• Green lacks such tartness but is also probably the sweetest and cleanest flavor of the bunch. Between the two, I’d say green is more enjoyable while chewing whereas red really hits its stride in its aftertaste.
• Orange does a commendable job at replicating its intended taste but compared to the others is quite overpowering. Goldbears generally offer a more subtle flavor profile but orange unfortunately bucks that consistency.
• Yellow was a surprisingly sweet lemon flavor that I enjoyed more than I was anticipating but left an ever-so-slightly bitter, artificial aftertaste.
• Clear was similarly more pleasant than I remember, but I’m still left questioning it’s inclusion over more standard fruity flavors like grape, cherry, green apple or watermelon. It mostly feels like an opportunity cost because the pineapple flavor is only really distinguishable in the aftertaste.

A conclusive ranking for me would likely go as follows:

1. Red (Raspberry)
2. Green (Strawberry)
3. Yellow (Lemon)
4. Clear (Pineapple)
5. Orange

The gummies themselves are extremely consistent in presentation and manufacturing. However, the representation of each flavor is… a mixed bag. Sorry. I don’t know how to deliver a good pun over text without it reading straight out of 2010s Tumblr. Universally, Haribo gummies are slightly greasy. Nothing egregeous, but it’s not something they should be proud of. One piece of advice I’ll give is to really chew into these before swallowing. I ended up getting a lot better appreciation for their flavors this way.

All that said, it’s hard to hate on Goldbears. They’ve stuck around this long for good reason, and without them, there is no Sweet Synopsis.

Final Score: 4 bangins

★★★★☆