Honesty

I’m honest. I’ve always been honest. Bordering on an open book, at times I think I’m too honest. This being publicly accessible is probably a testament to that. This is what I’ve always told myself and always believed.

At the same time, I’m underhanded. And cunning. Not in some sociopathic, badass manipulator way. Like, subtly, because I’m unconfident in doing things the proper way. I’d rather take a bunch of small invisible steps to get what I want than to just do the obvious single move.

In that way, I’m dishonest. I’m honest with my words and dishonest with my actions. I think people would hesitate to call it outright dishonesty but to me that’s what it is. My goals aren’t perverse or out of the ordinary but going about them in such obfuscated and obtuse ways makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong—probably because I am. I don’t want that to remain the case.

Being honest means being direct with yourself, and with others, in what you want. If you want something, go get it. Not in some sneaky, conniving way, but through forthright action. Don’t save face. Stop worrying about failure or embarrassment. Deal with that when it happens because it’s inevitable, no matter how hard you try and avoid it. If you want to say something then use your voice even when it feels impossible. There’s always a way, and most of the time the true solution is exponentially simpler than the roundabout way you concocted through your hours of mental pacing.

Just go for it, man.